Facebook Chat
by entwined-in-a-web
Summary: What happens when our favorite cast makes use of the Facebook chat? Pure chaos ensues. Random crack fic. AU since Gabe's alive. Part of my AU series. REVIEW PLEASE!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Wow…It's like 4 in the morning. I drank two Mountain Dew's and I can't sleep. Ok, So this is random. A bit of a crack fic. This is what happens when you give the N2N cast a Facebook…lol…**

**Poor Dr. Madden…I'm thinking of putting another chapter too. Lol…And Poor GABE! **

**It's AU since he's alive! REVIEW PLEASE!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own N2N or Facebook or America's Next Top Model!**

* * *

**Diana**

_Dr. Madden is online._

_Diana Goodman is online_

Diana: Hi!!!

Dr. Madden: We're friends on Facebook?

Diana: Well, yeah. We've been friends for like three months.

Dr. Madden: Oh…right….=/

Diana: So…whatcha doin'?

Dr. Madden: None of your business…

Diana: I believe it is my business…

Dr. Madden: O…k…

Diana: *whistling* So….

Dr. Madden: Ok, this is awkward…

Diana: OOH! Status update!

Dr. Madden: NOOOOO!

Diana: 'Ugh…stupid patient is bugging me again. Leave me the hell alone, bitch'?! WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!

Dr. Madden: Oops….

Diana: I HATE YOU!

_Diana Goodman is offline._

Dr. Madden: YES!

_Diana Goodman is online._

Diana: So….watcha doin'?

Dr. Madden:………………………….

* * *

**Natalie**

_Natalie Goodman is online._

_Henry Davis is idle._

_Henry Davis is online._

Henry: Hi!

_Natalie Goodman is offline._

Henry: Shit….

* * *

**Dan**

_Dan Goodman is online._

_Diana Goodman is online._

Diana: OMG! DAN! Let's chat!

Dan: Why? I'm in the next room.

Diana: Why should we waste our breath when we can CHAT?!

Dan: True….

Diana: I'm gonna update my status….

Dan: O…k…

Diana: Tada!

Dan: Your status is the lyrics to "Pants on the Ground?"

Diana: What? You have a problem with that?!

Dan: No! No! It's just-!

Diana: I HAPPEN TO LIKE THAT SONG!

Dan: Ok! That's fine!

Diana: THE PANTS ON THE GROUND GUY IS MY IDOL! SO YOU CAN JUST SUCK IT, DAN!

_Diana Goodman is offline._

Dan: Wow….

* * *

**Gabe**

_Gabe Goodman is online._

_Henry Davis is online._

Gabe: WTF? Why are we Facebook friends?

Henry: Actually….I don't know…

Gabe: I hate you.

Henry: I hate you too.

Gabe: No! Don't say 'I hate you too!' It sounds too…friendly.

Henry: Umm…ok….I hate you.

Gabe: And I hate you.

Henry: But you see, that doesn't sound right…

Gabe: SHUT. IT.

Henry: MAKE. ME.

Gabe: You keep forgetting that I'm related to your girlfriend.

Henry: IS THAT A THREAT?!

Gabe: Maybe….

Henry: -_-

Gabe: XD

Henry: You, my friend, are SICK!

Gabe: Thanks…

_Henry Davis is offline._

* * *

**Natalie**

_Natalie Goodman is online._

_Henry Davis is online._

Henry: Hi again!

Natalie:………………….

_Natalie Goodman is offline._

Henry: Aww, come on!

_Henry Davis is offline._

_Natalie Goodman is online._

Natalie: HA!

_Gabe Goodman is online._

Gabe: Hola, mi hermana.

Natalie: Salve, meus frater.

Gabe: Ooh…Latin…Good one.

Natalie: Thank you.

Gabe: Your boyfriend concerns me.

Natalie: YOU concern me.

Gabe: Why do you like him?

Natalie: MYOB.

Gabe: ???????

Natalie: Mind your own business, asshole.

Gabe: ………..

Natalie: Ok. Idea. Why don't you try to bond or something?

Gabe: Eeew. That's like telling you and Mom to bond.

Natalie: Touché….

Gabe: And besides. What do we have in common?

Natalie: I dunno…You're in a fucking jazz band. He's like a reincarnation of Duke Ellington. BOND.

Gabe: But-!

Natalie: I SAID BOND!

_Natalie Goodman is offline._

* * *

**Dr. Madden**

_Dr. Madden is online._

_Natalie Goodman is online._

Dr. Madden: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why are _we_ friends?

Natalie: Don't ask me. You sent the invite.

Dr. Madden: Well…

Natalie: WHAT? ARE YOU A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?!

Dr. Madden: What? No!

Natalie: IT'S BECAUSE I'M EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE, ISN'T IT?! YOU THINK I'M A SITTING DUCK?!! WELL I'M NOT!

Dr. Madden: Um….what are you talking about?

Natalie: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, YOU COUGAR!

_Natalie Goodman is offline._

_Dan Goodman is online._

Dan: Um…why does Natalie's status say 'Dr. Madden is a perverted pedophile?'

Dr. Madden: SHE LIES!

Dan: YOU SICKEN ME!

_Dan Goodman is offline._

* * *

**Henry**

_Henry Davis is online_

_Gabe Goodman is online._

Gabe: Hi.

Henry:………………

Gabe: So, I heard you're a reincarnation of Duke Ellington.

Henry……..You heard right…………

Gabe: So, you…play?

Henry: Yeah. You?

Gabe: Yepp…Bass.

Henry: Piano.

Gabe: Piano is such a gay instrument.

Henry: WTF?!

Gabe: Bass is so much manlier.

Henry: What the hell is the point of the bass anyway?! YOU CAN'T EVEN HEAR IT!

Gabe: Piano is for girls and idiots like Mozart.

_Natalie Goodman is online._

Natalie: I sense someone just insulted Mozart.

Gabe: Please tell him that piano is a gay instrument.

Natalie: No it's not!

Gabe: YES IT IS!

Natalie: I play too, dumbass.

Henry: Hi Natalie!

_Natalie Goodman is offline._

Henry: DAMMIT!

Gabe: See? She agrees.

Henry: I LOATHE you.

Gabe: Well, I loathe you with a firey burning passion.

Henry: And you think _I'm_ the gay one?

Gabe:……….

_Gabe Goodman is offline._

Henry: HA!

* * *

**Diana**

_Diana Goodman is online._

_Natalie Goodman is online._

Diana: Hi!

Natalie: Um…hi, Mom.

Diana: Isn't this chat thing FUN?!

Natalie: Uh, yeah…sure…

Diana: OOH! I just became a fan of 'Bipolar Disorder!" Cuz, you know…it applies to my life and stuff…

Natalie: That's great Mom…

Diana: And now I'm-!

_Natalie Goodman is offline._

Diana: Darn…

_Gabe Goodman is online._

Gabe: Mooooom…

Diana: What?

Gabe: PLEASE make Natalie break up with that idiot she has for a boyfriend…

Diana: Why?

Gabe: He has me questioning my sexuality.

Diana: Um….well, you see, Gabe. I don't think Henry swings that way….

Gabe: That's not what I meant. I mean he called me gay and now I just watched _America's Next Top Model_ and criticized Tyra Banks 'cause she said that the girl's shoes were red when they were OBVIOUSLY scarlet!

Diana: Um…………..

Gabe: I watch _America's Next Top Model_ to gawk at sexy models! NOT TO COMMENT ON SHOES!

Diana: Um…I'll talk to him.

Gabe: Thank you!

_Gabe Goodman is offline._

Diana: Oh my god….

* * *

**Henry**

_Henry Davis is online._

_Diana Goodman is online._

Diana: Hi Henry!

Henry: Um…Hi, Miz Goodman…

Diana: I have a question.

Henry: WE DIDN'T DO IT ON YOUR COUCH, I SWEAR!

Diana: What?

Henry: Never mind. Go on….

Diana: Um…Well, Gabe said that apparently you called him gay and now he's acting gay.

Henry: REALLY?! I mean…really?

Diana: Yes. Really.

Henry: Well, personally I think that's a psychological problem there.

Diana: Oooohhh…ok!

_Natalie Goodman is online._

Natalie: What the hell did you do to my brother?

Henry: ??? Wait a minute. YOU'RE ACTUALLY TALKING TO ME!

Natalie: Yeah…

Diana: Hi Natalie!

Natalie: Why is she talking to you? WE NEVER HAD SEX ON THE COUCH!!!

Henry: Smooth…

Natalie: Shut up…

Diana: Ok, what's with this thing about the couch?

Natalie and Henry: IT'S NOTHING!

Diana: Ok! Well, now I've gotta go talk to Dr. Madden about your brother's mental state.

Natalie: You mean the PEDOPHILE?!

Henry: HOLY SHIT! WHERE DID HE TOUCH YOU?!

Natalie: Relax, Henry…nothing happened.

Henry: I'm on to him….*shifty eyes*

Natalie: Wow.

_Diana Goodman is offline._

Natalie: Hey, wanna come over? There's no one on the couch.

Henry: I love you.

_Natalie Goodman is offline._

_Henry Davis is offline._

* * *

**Dr. Madden**

_Dr. Madden is online._

_Diana Goodman is online._

Diana: Well…I have a lot of questions…

Dr. Madden: Look, if this is about Natalie, I swear to God, it's all in her head.

Diana: Well, that too. But….Ok. You're the professional here. Why is Gabe acting gay?

Dr. Madden: I dunno…Maybe he's too afraid that he actually _is _gay that he let his mindset slip into fooling himself that he was.

Diana: Oh…Ok! Now about the other thing…

_Dan Goodman is online._

Dan: THERE HE IS! ARREST THIS MAN!

Undercover Police Facebook Guy: Haaa! We've finally caught you!

Dr. Madden: WHAT?! I'M INNOCENT, I TELL YA! INNOCENT!

Undercover Police Facebook Guy: Tell it to the judge!

Dr. Madden: NOOOOO!

_Dr. Madden is offline. For a very long time._

Diana: Wow.

Dan: AND GOOD RIDDANCE!

Diana: So…my psychopharmacologist was a pedophile…Who'd have thunk it…

Dan: Yeah…

Diana: Hey! I hear the couch is open!

Dan: OK!

_Diana Goodman is offline._

_Dan Goodman is offline._

**A/N: Lol…the couch joke…So…what did you think? **

**Reviews, anyone?**


	2. Chapter 2

-1**A/N: Ok! Some more Facebook chat…a follow up to the last chapter…It's not AS good, but it's still funny…And Dr. Fine's in it! Plus Dr. Madden has mad mind controlling skills…lol….Enjoy!**

**AND REVIEW!**

**Disclaimer: Pssst….I don't own Next to Normal! I bet you weren't expecting that, huh?**

* * *

**Diana**

_Diana Goodman is online._

_Dr. Fine is online._

Diana: Shit!

Dr. Fine: OMG!

Diana: How did you find me?

Dr. Fine: Oh, the wonders of Facebook…

Diana: CREEPER!

_Diana Goodman is offline._

* * *

**Gabe**

_Gabe Goodman is online. _

_Natalie Goodman is online._

Gabe: Help. Me.

Natalie: Why. Should I.

Gabe: Cuz. We're related.

Natalie: Says. Who.

Gabe: The laws. Of Biology.

Natalie: Why are we talking like that?

Gabe: I dunno…

Natalie: You're such an-!

_Henry Davis is online._

Henry: OOH! Don't tell him about the I-N-T-E-R-V-!

Natalie: SHHHH!

Gabe: 'Interv?' Is that by any chance short for intervention?

Natalie: No…

Henry: Yes!

Natalie: T_T

Henry: I MEAN NO!

Natalie: *****face palm *

Henry: Oops…

Gabe: An intervention for what?

Henry: For your insecurities!

Gabe: I'm gonna strangle you…

Henry: EEP!

_Henry Davis is offline._

Natalie: Smooth, asshole.

_Natalie Goodman is offline._

Gabe: =(

* * *

**Dr. Fine**

_Dr. Fine is online._

_Dr. Madden is online._

Dr. Fine: Hey!

Dr. Madden: What?

Dr. Fine: You're the pedophile! I read all about it in _Psychopharmacologist Weekly._

Dr. Madden:……………………..I'M NOT A PEDOPHILE! I was unjustly imprisoned. So…ha.

Dr. Fine: ………….

Dr. Madden: Hey, if I'm a supposed pedophile why does prison give me internet access?

Dr. Fine: I dunno…I've never been to prison.

Dr. Madden: Hmmm….I could have some fun with this….

_Dr. Madden is offline._

Dr. Fine: Uh-oh….

* * *

**Natalie**

_Natalie Goodman is online._

_Dan Goodman is online._

Natalie: DAAAAAAAAD!

Dan: What?

Natalie: Have you read Dr. Madden's status?

Dan: No.

Natalie: 'Dear Dan, once I'm out of prison, I'm goin' all Sweeney Todd on you.'

Dan………

Natalie: I DON'T WANNA DIE!

Dan: You're not gonna die…

Natalie: Says you!

_Natalie Goodman is offline._

* * *

**Gabe**

_Gabe Goodman is online._

_Diana Goodman is online._

Diana: Hi Gabe!

Gabe: Hi Mom.

_Natalie Goodman is online._

_Henry Davis is online._

Natalie: OK! Intervention!

Gabe: Fuck you…

Henry: I already did ;D

Gabe: You're a SICKO!

Diana: Was I supposed to get that?

Natalie: No, Mom, you weren't…

Diana: Oh…

Gabe: You two are sick. You're both gonna get AIDS and die.

Natalie: You get HIV genius.

Henry: Wait…I don't have AIDS….NATALIE HAS AIDS?

Natalie: NO ONE HAS AIDS!

Henry: Oh….

Diana: Anywho….

Natalie: OK, Gabe! EXPRESS YOURSELF!

Gabe: What?

Natalie: Be gay!

Gabe: I'm NOT gay! I'm straight!

Natalie: Problem solved.

Henry: That's it?

Natalie: That's it.

Henry: Wow. So if you told me…tell me something.

Natalie: I'm pregnant.

Henry: WHAT? How long have you known?

Natalie: I'M NOT REALLY PREGNANT!

Henry: Wow! That thing really works!

Natalie: Yeah…Dr. Madden taught me that before he became a sex offender.

Diana: IS HE THE BABY DADDY?

Natalie: MOM! I'm NOT pregnant!

Gabe: For now…

Natalie:…………..

_Natalie Goodman is offline._

Diana: Wait. I'm confused. Is she really pregnant or not?

Gabe: No.

Diana: Good! 'Cause, I mean, who would she be sleeping with, anyway?

Henry: Um…..bye.

_Henry Davis is offline._

Gabe: Can I have permission to shoot him?

* * *

**Natalie**

_Natalie Goodman is online._

_Dr. Madden is online._

Dr. Madden: Hi there!

Natalie: SEX MANIAC!

Dr. Madden: NO! I was unjustly imprisoned! I'm a good guy!

Natalie: You expect me to believe that crap?

Dr. Madden: Yes.

Natalie: Well, then, Mr. I'm-So-Innocent. How come when I was going through your notebooks-

Dr. Madden: Why were you looking through my notebooks?

Natalie: For two reasons: 1.) For police investigation. 2.) I've always wondered if therapists actually wrote things down or just pretended to.

Dr. Madden: O…k…

Natalie: You remember that one time when it was 'Bring Your Kid to Therapy' day? And my Mom brought me and my dumbass brother and then you started talking to us like we were idiots or something.

Dr. Madden: I did?

Natalie: So I was reading through your notes when I came across, 'I think I've really touched Natalie. Deeply, almost. You could see it in her face, she needed it.'

Dr. Madden: I MEANT TOUCHED EMOTIONALLY!

Natalie: 'She NEEDED it?' What the hell? That's the last thing I need!

Dr. Madden: I give up….

Natalie: I'm watching you…

_Natalie Goodman is offline._

Dr. Madden: * miserable sigh*

* * *

**Henry**

_Henry Davis is online._

_Gabe Goodman is online._

Henry: Hola!

Gabe: Stop talking to me. I still hate you.

Henry: HAHA! You thought you were gay!

Gabe: _You're _gay.

Henry: Technically, I'm not.

Gabe: Well "technically" you're sleeping with my sister…

Henry: NO I'M NOT!

Gabe: Then why'd you get all defensive?

Henry: I'M NOT DEFENSIVE!

Gabe: Uh-huh…

Henry: Plus, why do _you_ care?

Gabe: I dunno…it's an older brother thing. You wouldn't understand.

Henry: *sticks out tongue*

Gabe: *sticks out tongue too*

Henry: *sticks out tongue farther*

Gabe: *punches Henry*

Henry: How DARE you virtually punch me!

Gabe: I can physically punch you too.

Henry: ………………..

_Henry Davis is offline._

_Natalie Goodman in online._

Natalie: What are you doing?

Gabe: Nothing…

Natalie: You made Henry cry!

Gabe: He cried.

Natalie: What? I like a guy who's in touch with his feminine side.

Gabe: Don't you think he's in touch a _little_ too much?

Natalie: See, you're still upset about the gay thing.

Gabe: No, I'm disturbed because of you and your sick sexual desires.

Natalie: What?

Gabe: Oh, yeah…I know…

Natalie: That idiot…

Gabe: Sooo…what does Dr. Madden have to say about all this?

Natalie: Actually, I think I'm starting to believe him…

Gabe: STOCKHOLM SYNDROME!

Natalie: No…

Gabe: You disgust me…

_Natalie Goodman is offline._

* * *

**Diana**

_Diana Goodman is online._

_Dr. Madden is online._

Dr. Madden: Hey there!

Diana: Hi!

Dr. Madden: Umm, well, being in prison has made me realize something…

Diana: What's that?

Dr. Madden: I have slightly romantic feelings for you.

Diana:………………………….

Dr. Madden: Damn…I knew you'd do that….

Diana: Um, should I be flattered or creeped out?

Dr. Madden: I dunno…

Diana: Awww…that's kinda cute though…

Dr. Madden: Really?

Diana: Yeah!

_Dan Goodman is online._

Dan: YOU AGAIN!

Dr. Madden: Aw, crap…

Undercover Police Facebook Guy: Hey! I thought we told you no Facebook!

Dr. Madden: But it's my inalienable rights! Life, liberty and the use of Facebook chat!

Undercover Police Facebook Guy: Get off.

Dr. Madden: You will let me stay on Facebook while you go home and contemplate your life.

Undercover Police Facebook Guy: I think I'll let you use Facebook while I go home and contemplate my life…

_Undercover Police Facebook Guy is offline._

Diana: Sweet Jedi mind tricks!

Dr. Madden: Actually, that's called hypnosis, my dear Diana…

Dan: STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE, YOU SEX FIEND!

Dr. Madden: I'M FUCKING INNOCENT!

Diana: STOP IT!

Dan:…………..

Dr. Madden:……………

Diana: I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR CONSTANT FIGHTING! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! IT MAKES ME WANT TO EXPLODE!

_Gabe Goodman is online._

Gabe: Whoa…why is Mom screaming everything she's writing in the next room?

Dr. Madden: I dunno…

Gabe: SHUT UP, YOU-!

Dr. Madden: SAY IT AND DIE, PUNK!

Gabe: NOW HE'S A MURDERER!

Dr. Madden: I HATE YOU!

Gabe: I HATE YOU TOO!

Dan: I HATE HIM TOO!

Diana: I don't….

_Natalie Goodman is online._

Natalie: Why are we fighting?

Diana: Well, honey, men are idiots…

Natalie: You can say that again.

Diana: That again.

Natalie:………….

_Henry Davis is online._

Henry: Six person Facebook chat!

Natalie: What's up with you? You're not writing in caps lock.

Henry: I'm cool, you know. Everything's, like, calm.

Natalie: What the hell are you smoking?

Gabe: HENRY SMOKES!

Henry:………

Natalie:……..

Diana:……….

Dan:……………

Dr. Madden:………..

Gabe: POT!

Dan: WTF? Since when?

Gabe: Since….well, A LONG TIME!

Henry: OMIGOD! The Undercover Police Facebook Guy is gonna come after me, I know it!

Natalie: Nice going, Gabriel.

Gabe: *in a happy tune* Henry's getting arrested!

Dr. Madden: Cool, come join me in prison.

Henry: I DON'T WANNA GO TO PRISON!

Natalie: You can't go to prison. You're seventeen.

Henry: YESSS! Wait. I DON'T WANNA GO TO A JUVELINE CORRECTIONAL FACILITY!

Gabe: Oops…sorry…HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Diana: Gabe! How could you be so cruel?

Gabe: Two words: He sucks.

Natalie: Two words: Fuck you.

Henry: NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR FUCKING! HELP ME!

Natalie: Just shut up….

Gabe: AND THE BEST PART IS-!

Natalie: SAY IT AND DIE, YOU DUMBASS BITCH!

Dan: Please remind me again where she learns all this.

Dr. Madden: A little thing called television…

Gabe: THEY HAD SEX ON THE COUCH!

Dan: *passes out*

Natalie: Wow, Dad, really?

Diana: Actually, that was me. He kinda really did pass out…

Natalie: You see what you do?

Gabe: You see what _you_ do?

Natalie: None of this would've happened if you hadn't opened your goddamn mouth!

Gabe: Well, it wouldn't have happened if your fucking boyfriend wasn't such a goddamn idiot!

_Dr. Fine is online._

Dr. Fine: Hi guys!

Gabe and Natalie: GET OUT!

_Dr. Fine is offline._

Dr. Madden: Well, this has been interesting….

Henry: I'm not a JD!

Gabe: I'd rephrase that if I were you…

Henry: You know what? GO. DIE.

Gabe: Maybe I will!

Diana: Now, Henry, that wasn't a very nice thing to say…

Henry: SHUT THE FUCK UP, WOMAN! I'M UNDER STRESS!

Diana:……………

Natalie: Ok, Henry, enough pot for you…

Henry: MAKE ME!

Natalie: *slaps Henry*

Henry: Thanks….

Gabe: You know, Henry, now that you're a fugitive, you've gotta flee the country! Change your name, dye your hair…maybe…I don't know…GET ANOTHER GIRLFRIEND?

Henry: Oh, so THAT'S what this is about!

Gabe: Well, sort of, YES!

Henry: I'll have you know that Natalie if perfectly happy with me!

Gabe: And I'll have _you_ know that she isn't!

Henry: SAYS WHO?

Gabe: SAYS ME!

Natalie: Hey, guys-?

Gabe: SHUT UP, NAT!

Henry: CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE FIGHTING?

Natalie: ….I'm gone….

_Natalie Goodman is offline._

Henry: Nice going!

Gabe: ME? It was all you!

Henry: NO! YOU!

Gabe: YOU!

Dr. Madden: Does this happen a lot?

Diana: All the time…

Dr. Madden: How do you live with it?

Diana: Honestly, I have no clue…

_Dr. Madden is offline._

_Diana Goodman is offline._

Henry: I hate you…

Gabe: I hate you too…

Henry: Well…I'd hate you, even if I didn't hate you! That's how much I hate you…

Gabe:….I'd hate you even if that made sense…

Henry: Hey, where'd everyone go?

Gabe: OH NO! IT'S THE UNDERCOVER POLICE FACEBOOK GUY!

Henry: WHERE?

_Henry Davis is offline._

Gabe: Haha…Loser…

_Gabe Goodman is offline._

**A/N: Huh…could've been a better ending…Oh well! Lol…So…what did you think?**

**Reviews?**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Here you go! More Facebook Chat! Lol…This one has nothing to do with the last two chapters. It's all new material! So…Diana tries to bond with Natalie, henry learns to be cruel, Gabe does the unthinkable, and Dr. Fine has to watch his soaps.**

**REVIEW PLEASE!**

**Disclaimer: Is it even necessary by now?**

* * *

**Natalie**

_Natalie Goodman is online._

_Diana Goodman is online._

Diana: Hey! Hey Natalie! Natalie! Guess what! Natalie! Natalie!

Natalie: If I answer will you leave me alone?

Diana: I found Arnold Schwarzenegger's Facebook!

Natalie: What?

Diana: And I chatted with him!

Natalie: Uh-huh…

Diana: He even has a customized offline signature.

Natalie: What is it?

Diana: 'I'll be back…'

Natalie: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's actually kind of funny!

Diana: I know!

Natalie: HOLY SHIT! Are we bonding?

Diana: Oh my God, we are….

Natalie: Um…

Diana: Well…

Natalie: How about them Yankees?

* * *

**Gabe**

_Gabe Goodman is online._

_Dan Goodman is online._

Dan: Oh, hi Gabe!

Gabe: Hi Dad…

Dan: So….

Gabe: So what?

Dan: Your mother and your sister are bonding…

Gabe: For real? Holy crap, it's the apocalypse.

Dan: Or just an epiphany…

Gabe: Ok, so….why do I care?

Dan: Well, I dunno….I was thinking-

Gabe: We're not bonding.

_Gabe Goodman is offline._

Dan: Shit…

* * *

**Henry**

_Henry Davis is online._

_Dr. Madden is online._

Henry: Pssst….

Dr. Madden: Um…do I even know you?

Henry: Not really….

Dr. Madden: Ok…what do you need?

Henry: Everyone's bonding…

Dr. Madden: So?

Henry: I DON'T HAVE A FATHER TO BOND WITH!

Dr. Madden: Aww, I'm sorry…

Henry: *sigh*

Dr. Madden: Well…

Henry: I think I'm gonna go smoke again…

Dr. Madden: Ok…

Henry: Bye!

_Henry Davis is offline._

* * *

**Natalie**

Diana: AHH! We didn't sign off this time!

Natalie: That's because you keep talking….

Diana: hehehehehe….

Natalie: Well, what else is there to talk about?

Diana: I dunno…girly stuff!

Natalie: Great…my favorite subject…

Diana: OOH! Let's go shopping!

Natalie: Why?

Diana: Um, because we can!

_Diana Goodman is offline._

_Natalie Goodman is offline._

* * *

**Gabe**

_Gabe Goodman is online._

_Henry Davis is online._

Gabe: Oh. You again…

Henry: …………

Gabe: What are you doing?

Henry:…………

Gabe: Oh, the silent treatment, huh?

Henry:…………..

Gabe: Well, you're real cute…

Henry:………………..

Gabe: What? You won't say anything?"

Henry:………………….

Gabe: OMIGOD! NATALIE DIED!

Henry: WHAT?

Gabe: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Henry: I HATE YOU! No. I LOATHE YOU! YOU ARE CRUEL!

Gabe: It takes skill…

Henry: Well….I CAN BE CRUEL TOO!

Gabe: I'd like to see you try…

Henry: YOU WATCH ME, PUNK!

Gabe: I'm watchin'…..

Henry: You know what? YOU. SUCK.

Gabe: And you know what else? YOU SUCK MORE.

Henry: EUIOGHSE;ROUSUHETH!

Gabe: What the fuck?

Henry: Sorry…I just got really angry and took it out on the keyboard…

Gabe: Uh-huh…

Henry: …………..Bye.

_Henry Davis is offline._

* * *

**Natalie**

_Natalie Goodman is online via Facebook for iPhone._

_Henry Davis is online._

Henry: Hi!

Natalie: Save me….please…

Henry: Why?

Natalie: I'm shopping. With my mother.

Henry: So? I thought girls liked shopping.

Natalie: Not this girl….

Henry: Gotcha….

Natalie: Ugh…Can I go die now?

Henry: NO!

Natalie:…………….

Henry: So…I was thinking…

Natalie: No.

Henry: But you didn't even know what I was asking!

Natalie: It's something stupid, that much I know.

Henry: Teach me to be cruel.

Natalie: WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPLY THERE?

Henry: Nothing!

Natalie: That's what I thought you said…

Henry: How do you do it?

Natalie: I dunno…it just comes to me.

Henry: Oh, gee, thanks….

Natalie: Get angry or something. That's what I do.

Henry: But what am I getting angry about?

Natalie: I dunno…pretend I cheated on you or something…

Henry: Whoa, whoa, whoa….what are you trying to say there?

Natalie: I'm trying to set a scenario.

Henry: Are you telling me you're _cheating_ on me?

Natalie: No! It was an example!

Henry: WHO IS HE?

Natalie: Um….

Henry: BITCH, WHO IS HE?

Natalie: You did NOT just call me a bitch…

Henry: Well, I did…So…HA!

Natalie: Oh my God, I think you've got it….

Henry: I'm being mean? YAAAY!

Natalie: Bipolar much?

Henry: Oh, you wish….

Natalie: Gotta go….Mom's calling me…Oh, and Henry?

Henry: Yes?

Natalie: Kick Gabe's ass.

Henry: Will do…

_Natalie Goodman is offline._

Henry: Hehehehehe….

* * *

**Diana**

_Diana Goodman is online._

_Dr. Madden is online._

Diana: Psst…Dr. Madden!

Dr. Madden: Hmmm?

Diana: This isn't working!

Dr. Madden: What's not working?

Diana: This bonding crap.

Dr. Madden: Well…Natalie _is_ a rather tough cookie…

Diana: lol…I always liked that saying…Hmm…I want a cookie now…

Dr. Madden: Um, Diana? Back to the subject…

Diana: Oh right!

Dr. Madden: Well…maybe you should try doing something that _she_ likes.

Diana: Well, What does she like?

Dr. Madden: How the hell should I know? You're her mother!

Diana: Like I spend enough time with her to know these things…

Dr. Madden: Just ask her….

Diana: MAKE ME!

Dr. Madden:………………

Diana: Ok, fine….

_Diana Goodman is offline._

* * *

**Dan**

_Dan Goodman is online._

_Dr. Fine is online._

Dr. Fine: Hi!

Dan: Why are you talking to me?

Dr. Fine: Well, I was bored and you're the only one who's on…

Dan: Um…ok…

Dr. Fine: People do that, right?

Dan: I dunno….

Dr. Fine: OOH! Gotta go! Days of Our Lives is on!

Dan: You watch Days of Our Lives?

Dr. Fine: SHHHHH!

_Dr. Fine is offline._

Dan: Wow…

**Gabe**

* * *

_Gabe Goodman is online._

_Henry Davis is online._

Gabe: Oh, well, look who it is…

Henry: …………

Gabe: *sticks out tongue*

Henry: *beats up Gabe and throws him into a dumpster*

Gabe: Wow…nice virtual threat…

Henry: Thank you!

Gabe: *Gets a gun and chases Henry out of the state*

Henry: Now _that_ is cruel.

Gabe: Thanks. Let's see what you got.

Henry: *After retrieving Gabe from dumpster, punches him in the head a few times until he can no longer stand. Then drags his lifeless body away and hides it in a freezer.*

Gabe:……………..

Henry: HA! Beat THAT!

Gabe: *After chasing Henry with gun, shoot him*

Henry:……………….

Gabe: HA!

Henry: *The spirit of dead Henry tells Natalie to go and steal Gabe's gun and shoot him*

Gabe: *Shoots Natalie*

Henry: *Dead Henry and Dead Natalie strangle Gabe in his sleep*

Gabe: *Switches rooms with Dad so that he gets strangled instead*

Henry: You'd kill your own father?

Gabe: I'd kill a lot of people….you included.

Undercover Police Facebook Guy: Alright, which one of you is posting death threats?

Gabe: HE IS!

Henry: HE IS!

Undercover Police Facebook Guy: Alright, now…I assume you're just kidding around. As they say, boys will be boys…

Gabe: Yeah…

Henry:…………..

Undercover Police Facebook Guy: What's his problem?

Henry: Um…well…

Gabe: He's just, um, shy.

Henry: What?

Gabe: Yeah! Terribly shy! HE DOESN'T SMOKE POT!

Undercover Police Facebook Guy: What's this about pot?

Gabe: Nothing!

Undercover Police Facebook Guy: Oh. OK! As you were boys…

_Undercover Police Facebook Guy is offline._

Henry: What the hell was that for?

Gabe: I dunno…I guess I kind of felt bad for you…

Henry: Um…thanks.

Gabe: Not a word of this goes to anyone.

Henry: Right.

Gabe: What happens in the chat room, stays in the chat room.

Henry: Amen.

Gabe: I still hate you.

Henry: Me too…

_Gabe Goodman is offline._

_Henry Davis is offline._

* * *

**Natalie**

_Natalie Goodman is online via Facebook for iPhone._

_Henry Davis is online._

Henry: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!

Natalie: What?

Henry: IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!

Natalie: Um…why?

Henry: GABE WAS _NICE_ TO ME!

Natalie: WHAT?

Henry: YES!

Natalie: WHY?

Henry: I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE!

Natalie: That's…that's just…WEIRD!

Henry: I KNOW!

Natalie: Wow…

Henry: So…whatcha doin'?

Natalie: Your mom.

Henry: Huh?

Natalie: It was a joke.

Henry: I knew that!

Natalie: No, my mom's going on with this bonding thing….

Henry: Where are you now?

Natalie: You know how Jason Mraz is in town?

Henry: Yeah…

Natalie: We're stalking him.

Henry: Wow….

Natalie: Yeah…Oh wait! Here he comes! Gotta go ,bye!

_Natalie Goodman is offline._

Henry: Damn you, Jason Mraz….

**A/N: lol…Poor Henry…Sorry to cut it off so short…**

**So….any more ideas?**

**Reviews, anyone?**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I'd first of all like to thank everyone who helped me to get this chapter done! Oreoprincess0401, obsessive-elphaba, and futurebwaystar! THANKS GUYS!**

**So here's more Facebook Chat!**

**Disclaimer: You know the drill….**

* * *

**Henry**

_Henry Davis is online._

_Gabe Goodman is online._

Gabe: 'Going to the mall with Nat. Save me God…?' Really man? You post where you're going on your status?

Henry: Um….

Gabe: You just opened a whole window for a whole bunch of creepers to come and stalk you.

Henry: Well, yeah, but-!

Gabe: I swear to the Lord God, if I hear a news story about my sister getting fucking kidnapped because some creeper knew where she was at all hours of the day, I'm gonna bust your fucking ass so bad that you won't be able to sit for the rest of your fucking life.

Henry: You just used the word 'fuck' like 3 times…

Gabe: Well, fuck that fucking fuck. I can fucking say fuck as many times as I fucking want.

Henry:………

Gabe: Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.

_Henry Davis is offline._

* * *

**Natalie**

_Natalie Goodman is online._

_Henry Davis is online._

Henry: Psssst….Nat?

Natalie: What?

Henry: Um….I think we have a slight change of plans…

Natalie: What do you mean?

Henry: Let's not go to the mall. 'K?

Natalie: Why?

Henry: BECAUSE YOU'LL GET KIDNAPPED AND THEN GABE'S GONNA BUST MY FUCKING ASS!

Natalie: I'm not gonna get kidnapped, weirdo. I'm with you.

Henry: Awwww….

Natalie: And besides. Even if I did get kidnapped, they guy would probably get so annoyed with me that he'd just throw me out of the car or something.

Henry: I guess that's a good quality…

Natalie: So….? We're still going?

Henry: Yeah. Why not?

Natalie: Awesome. See you later.

Henry: Love you….

Natalie: Love you too….

_Henry Davis is offline._

_Natalie Goodman is offline._

* * *

**Gabe**

_Gabe Goodman is online._

_Diana Goodman is online._

Gabe: MOM! MOM! MOM!

Diana: WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?

Gabe: NATALIE! NATALIE! NATALIE!

Diana: YES? YES? YES?

Gabe: SHE'S! SHE'S! SHE'S!

Diana: What?

Gabe: She's going to the friggen' mall!

Diana: So?

Gabe: With her friggen' boyfriend!

Diana: _So?_

Gabe: I do not approve.

Diana: Ok…Well, why don't you go keep an eye on her just to calm your nerves.

Gabe: You mean stalk them?

Diana: Yeah! Pretty much!

Gabe: MWUAHAHAHAHAHA!

_Gabe Goodman is offline._

Diana: uh-oh….

* * *

**Henry**

_Henry Davis is online via Facebook for iPhone._

_Gabe Goodman is online via Facebook for iPhone._

Gabe: Hola.

Henry: Why do you keep chatting with me?

Gabe: Oh, no reason…

Henry: It's because you're so overprotective, right?

Gabe: No.

Henry: Oh….

Gabe: Pshaw….. I can't believe you're actually looking at the stupid sweater.

Henry: What?

Gabe: That sweater. It's hideous. It makes your outfit now look like an Armani.

Henry: How do you know I have a sweater?

Gabe: I know everything, Henry. ;D I'm magical that way.

Henry:………….

Gabe: Oh, and also…you know that there's a little hole in your pants on the front. It looks like a burn.

Henry: IT IS A BURN! HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

Gabe: Like I said…I'm magical…

Henry: STAY OUT OF MY BRAIN!

Gabe: M'kay….

_Gabe Goodman is offline._

Henry: *shudders*

* * *

**Natalie**

_Natalie Goodman is online via Facebook for iPhone._

_Gabe Goodman is online via Facebook for iPhone._

Natalie: Ok, what did you do to him this time?

Gabe: Whatever do you mean?

Natalie: It's not like I'm stupid, moron. Why are you creeping him out like that?

Gabe: Well, why can't he handle his own problems? Why are you doing that?

Natalie: Because I'm a good girlfriend.

Gabe: Because you're a pushover.

Natalie: I'm NOT a pushover.

Gabe: Oh yeah?

Natalie: Yeah!

Gabe: Then why isn't he confronting me himself?

Natalie: That's cuz you scared the living shit out of him! He's hiding in the fucking dressing room!

Gabe: HAHAAHHAHAHAHAHA!

Natalie:……….

Gabe: Oh, that idiot….

Natalie: I HATE YOU!

Gabe: Hate is a strong word…

Natalie: *virtually flips off Gabe*

Gabe:………………..

_Natalie Goodman is offline._

* * *

**Dan**

_Dan Goodman is online._

Dan: OMG! I'm chatting by myself! Cool! Umm…..I HATE MY LIFE! MY JOB SUCKS, I'M UNDERPAYED, MY SON IS A PESSIMISTIC ASSHOLE, MY WIFE IS A CRAZED LUNATIC, HER DOCTOR IS A PEDOPHILE, MY DAUGHTER'S A LOSER, AND HER BOYFRIEND IS A STONER AND I WANNA MOVE TO CANADA!

_Dr. Madden is online._

Dr. Madden: Dude, what the hell?

Dan: Oops.

Dr. Madden: I'M NOT A PEDOPHILE!

Dan:………..

_Gabe Goodman is online._

Gabe: What's this about me being a pessimistic asshole?

_Natalie Goodman is online via Facebook for iPhone._

Natalie: I'M NOT A LOSER!

Dan: Um….Bye.

_Dan Goodman is offline._

* * *

**Diana**

_Diana Goodman is online._

_Natalie Goodman is online._

Natalie: Mom? I can't believe I'm asking you this, but I need advice.

Diana: Um…ok. On what?

Natalie: It's about Gabe and Henry…

Diana: O…K…

Natalie: Don't you think that they're getting a bit out of hand?

Diana: I dunno…

Natalie: I mean, Gabe stalked us today. Isn't that creepy?

Diana: Uh-huh…

Natalie: Why the hell am I even talking to you?

Diana: *shrugs*

Natalie:……………

_Natalie Goodman is offline._

Diana: Wait. What?

* * *

**Gabe**

_Gabe Goodman is online._

_Henry Davis is online._

Henry: Well, thanks for stalking me, asshole.

Gabe: It's not you…No…Yeah, it is you…

Henry: Well, after getting into a random and very strongly worded argument with Natalie, I have decided to send a peace treaty.

Gabe: What do you mean?

Henry: Look outside your door.

Gabe: Um…it's a paper bag.

Henry: It's not JUST a paper bag…it's a PLASTIC BAG INSIDE A PAPER BAG!

Gabe:…………

Henry: RECYCLE!

Gabe: This is a bag of pot.

Henry: Yeah, I know!

Gabe: Why did you send me a bag of pot?

Henry: Um, why wouldn't I?

Gabe: Because it's illegal.

Henry: Since when do you care?

Gabe: True….but, _why?_

Henry: Well…the conclusion we came to in our heated-

Gabe: Don't use that word when you're talking about my sister.

Henry: Ok…in our _strong_ argument, she told me to make it up to you by giving you something. So I gave you something.

Gabe: How am I supposed to use it?

Henry: You…smoke it.

Gabe: I know that! I'm not an idiot…But I don't have any-

Henry: Check the plastic bag inside the plastic bag.

Gabe: Oh. Ok.

Henry: Knock yourself out…;D I mean, not literally, cuz that'll be bad…

Gabe: HOW DO YOU STAND THIS THING?

Henry: Ehh….it's an acquired taste…like coffee!

Gabe: Am I supposed to be feeling like this?

Henry: Like what?

Gabe: Like….calm….

Henry: Mwuahahaha….

* * *

**Dr. Madden**

_Dr. Madden is online._

_Dan Goodman is online._

_Diana Goodman is online._

Dan: Why did you randomly send us a message saying to chat with you?

Dr. Madden: Well, I'm beginning to sense some tension between the two of you.

Dan: ………….

Diana: Huh?

Dr. Madden: Ok. Now, I want you to tell each other exactly what you're thinking. Go.

Diana: Um….I'm thinking of…pie.

Dr. Madden: Never mind…Ok. Word association. Ok, ready? Grass.

Dan: Uh…green.

Diana: POT!

Dr. Madden: Dog.

Diana: PUPPY!

Dan: My mother-in-law.

Dr. Madden: Child.

Diana: Gabe!

Dan: Natalie.

Dr. Madden: I think I found the problem…

Diana: A PLUMBER!

Dr. Madden: Diana, we're done with the word association now…

Diana: Oh…

Dr. Madden: I think each one of you is attached to one of your children and it's sort of tearing you apart from each other.

Dan: So wait…what?

Dr. Madden: Never mind….

Diana: OOH! All the names in this chat room start with D!

Dr. Madden:………….

_Dr. Madden is offline._

Diana: What I do?

_Dan Goodman is offline._

Diana: Aw, crap…

* * *

**Gabe (cont.)**

Gabe: Oh….my….God…

Henry: Yeah, I know…isn't this great?

Gabe: Dude, I feel like…a whole new person or something…

Henry: Yeah….

Gabe: You know….I've realized something…

Henry: What's that?

Gabe: I never really hated you…

Henry: Huh?

Gabe: I actually sort of liked you…

Henry: Really…

Gabe: Yeah, I just act like that to look…you know…tough…

Henry: Cool….

Gabe: Yeah…you're like my brother, man…I can tell you anything…

Henry: Ok….then…

Gabe: Ok, well…I slept with your sister…

Henry: Wait. You WHAT?

Gabe: I…slept…with…your…sister….

Henry: WHY? WHEN?

Gabe: I dunno…cuz she was sexy, I guess…she was home for Christmas this past year and we…did it…I guess we're even then…

Henry: Ok, me sleeping with your sister is not as awkward as you sleeping with mine. I mean, she's fucking engaged! And you're not even together!

Gabe: Who…cares…..

Henry: I…do…

Gabe: Let's just put the past behind us, man…get along…

Henry: Yeah, right….

Gabe: What? You don't want to?

Henry: YOU SUCK!

_Henry Davis is offline._

Gabe: Damn…Wow…this stuff actually works…;D

**A/N: Hahaha….so what did you think?**

**Reviews, anyone?**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: More Facebook chat! Enjoy! And thanks to my Facebook buddies for giving me ideas!**

**REVIEW PLEASE!**

Big Flashy Narrator: Previously on "Facebook Chat"…..

Gabe: I'm gonna bust your fucking ass so bad that you won't be able to sit for the rest of your fucking life!

Gabe: I know everything Henry. 'D I'm magical that way.

Henry:…..

Natalie: You scared the living shit out of him! He's hiding in the fucking dressing room!

~~~~~  
Dan: I WANNA MOVE TO CANADA!

Gabe: This is a bag of pot.

Henry: Yeah, I know!

Dr. Madden: Word association. Child.

Diana: Gabe!

Dan: Natalie.

Dr. Madden: I think I found the problem…

Diana: A PLUMBER!

Gabe: (completely and stupidly high) You know…I've realized something…I never really hated you….Ok, well, I slept with your sister.

Henry: WHAT? YOU SUCK!

Gabe: Damn….

Big Flashy Narrator: And now back to our regularly scheduled chapter.

* * *

**Dr. Madden**

_Dr. Madden is online._

Dr. Madden: Is the coast clear? Ok, good…ESCAPE FROM PRISON!

Undercover Police Facebook Guy: Oh no, you don't!

Dr. Madden: HA! I shall send you malware and spy ware and many many viruses through chain emails!

Undercover Police Facebook Guy: NOOOOO!

Dr. Madden: FREEDOM!

_Dr. Madden is offline._

* * *

**Gabe**

_Gabe Goodman is online._

_Natalie Goodman is online._

Gabe: NATALIE!

Natalie: What?

Gabe: I'M HOOKED!

Natalie: Um…what?

Gabe: Henry gave me pot and now I'm hooked!

Natalie: BWAHAHAHAHA!

Gabe: THIS ISN'T FUNNY!

Natalie: That's what you get!

Gabe: I. NEED. MORE. NOW.

Natalie: Whoa, there, Mr. Stoner…

Gabe: SHUT THE HELL UP!

Natalie: Make me…

Gabe: I'VE HAD ENOUGH WITH YOU, BITCH!

Natalie: NO ONE CALLS ME A BITCH AND LIVES!

_Gabe Goodman is offline._

Natalie: Dammit…

* * *

**Dr. Fine**

_Dr. Fine is online._

_Dr. Madden is online._

Dr. Madden: QUICK, MAN! YOU HAVE TO HIDE ME!

Dr. Fine: Um…why?

Dr. Madden: I ESCAPED FROM PRISON!

Dr. Fine: BUT THAT'S ILLEGAL!

Dr. Madden: Wow…

Dr. Fine: I can't harbor a fugitive!

Dr. Madden: You don't understand…

Dr. Fine: What do you mean?

Dr. Madden: You know how we look almost identical?

Dr. Fine: Yeah…so…?

Dr. Madden: YOU ARE MY LONG-LOST TWIN BROTHER SEPARATED AT BIRTH!

Dr. Fine: WHAT?

Dr. Madden: Yeah! When I was bored in prison, I searched Ancestry . Com and it said that I had a long-lost twin brother separated at birth!

Dr. Fine: This is somewhat flattering…and somewhat creepy.

Dr. Madden: Mostly creepy?

Dr. Fine: Mostly creepy…

* * *

**Henry**

_Henry Davis is online._

_Natalie Goodman is online._

Natalie: Ok, Henry, I have a bone to pick with you…

Henry: *snickers* You said bone….

Natalie: NOW ISN'T THE TIME FOR PERVERTED JOKES!

Henry: Ok…

Natalie: You got my brother hooked on pot.

Henry: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!

Natalie: ….

Henry: Sorry…

Natalie: And now he's taking it out on me!

Henry: See, it has different effects on all people…

Natalie: You tell me this _now?_

Henry: Yeah…

Natalie:…..

_Natalie Goodman is offline._

Henry: Oops….

* * *

**Diana**

_Diana Goodman is online._

_Dan Goodman is online._

Diana: Well, hiya!

Dan: Hi.

Diana: Do you really think we need relationship therapy?

Dan: I don't know…how much therapy can one person need?

Diana: True…Wait. Were you referring to me?

Dan: Uh…no…?

Diana: Ok! OOH! SOMETHING SHINY!

_Diana Goodman is offline._

Dan:….

_Diana Goodman is online._

Diana: Sorry…that was a spoon…

Dan: Um….ok….

Diana: What's your deal today?

Dan: I'm tired…I've been working overtime…Being a super cool architect isn't as easy as it seems. We're building a new mansion for 50 Cent.

Diana: YOU'RE BUILDING A MANSION FOR 50 CENT?

Dan: Yeah…Next it's Jerry Seinfeld.

Diana: Dude, you've got like the coolest job EVER!

Dan: It sucks…a lot.

Diana: BUT 5O CENT!

Dan: I don't even like rap music…

Diana: 50. FUCKING. CENT.

Dan:…

Diana: I HATE YOU!

Dan: Cool.

Diana: GET ME 50 CENT'S FACEBOOK, DAMMIT!

_Dan Goodman is offline._

Diana: Awwww…

Undercover Police Facebook Guy: HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN?

Diana: You mean Dr. Madden? He escaped form prison?

Undercover Police Facebook Guy: YESSS!

Diana: HOLY CRAP!

_Diana Goodman is offline._

* * *

**Natalie**

_Natalie Goodman is online._

_Diana Goodman is online._

Diana: NATALIE!

Natalie: What?

Diana: DR. MADDEN ESCAPED FROM PRISON!

Natalie: HE DID?

Diana: YEAH!

Natalie: HOLY FUCK!

Diana: Did you really just use the words 'holy' and 'fuck' in the same statement?

Natalie: WHO CARES? THERE'S A PEDOPHILE ON THE LOOSE!

_Natalie Goodman is offline._

* * *

**Dan**

_Dan Goodman is online._

_Natalie Goodman is online._

Natalie: DAD!

Dan: What?

Natalie: DR. MADDEN ESCAPED FROM PRISON! WHAT DO I DO?

Dan: Um…nothing.

Natalie: BUT HE'S GONNA HUNT US DOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND KILL US IN OUR SLEEP!

Dan: No he's not.

Natalie: Ok, the typical lying parent thing doesn't work at a time like this!

Dan: Oh…Oops…In that case…OMIGOD! TO THE RAPE SHELTER!

Natalie: We have a rape shelter?

Dan :YES!

Natalie: But…why?

Dan: TO THE SHELTER!

_Dan Goodman is offline._

Natalie: Where the hell is this shelter?

Undercover Police Facebook Guy: HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN?

Natalie: TO THE SHELTER!

_Natalie Goodman is offline._

* * *

**Henry**

_Henry Davis is online._

_Gabe Goodman is online._

Gabe: I hate you.

Henry: I think we've established that already…

Gabe: It's because of you that I am addicted to fucking pot!

Henry: HAHAHAHAHA…hahaha…that's funny….ha.

Gabe: I SWEAR TO GOD-!

_Dan Goodman is online._

Dan: Gabe, were you making a threat?

Gabe: No! Why would I do that?

Henry: HE WANTS TO KILL ME!

Dan: No killing Henry.

Gabe: Aw, c'mon!

Henry: Ha. Haha. I laugh at your misfortune…

Dan: Actually, Henry, can I talk to you alone?

Henry:…..

Gabe: Look who's laughing now. Haha.

_Gabe Goodman is offline._

Henry: So….?

Dan: Umm…

Henry: Well, this isn't awkward at all…

Dan: Really?

Henry: Um…that was sarcastic…

Dan: Oh. Right. Anywho…

Henry: If this is about the whole couch ordeal, I swear to God he's lying.

Dan: Well…not exactly…

Henry: Ok. Go on.

Dan: I know what it's like to be a teenager. And every now and then you get those urges…

Henry: …..urges?

Dan: Yeah, you know. _Urges._ And you feel like you have to start like ripping each other's clothes off-

Henry: Oh. _Those_ urges.

Dan: And then one thing leads to another…

Henry:…Your point?

Dan: Oh, nothing. I just wanted to let you know that I trust you. You know, that's what I like about you. You're so respectful and you would never do anything stupid like that.

Henry: Hehe…yeah….stupid….

Dan: Cuz I could've sworn that Gabe said something about you and Natalie having sex.

Henry: Umm…why…would we do that?

Dan: I dunno. And I told him. No! Henry would never do something like that. And he kept protesting but I kept backing you up because-!

Henry: I….have to…go…

_Henry Davis is offline._

Dan: Huh….Was I too straightforward?

* * *

**Dr. Madden (cont.)**

Dr. Madden: Wow…I can't believe that we're so…similar.

Dr. Fine: I know! It's like we're…twins or something!

Dr. Madden: We…are….

Dr. Fine: Oh yeah…

Dr. Madden: Thanks for hiding me in your basement, bro.

Dr. Fine: No problem…anything for my brother.

Undercover Police Facebook Guy: AHAH!

Dr. Fine: IT WAS HIM!

_Dr. Fine is offline._

Dr. Madden: Yeah. Thanks a lot, brother.

_Dr. Madden is offline._

* * *

**Natalie**

_Natalie Goodman is online._

_Henry Davis is online._

Henry: Holy…Fuckin'…Shit.

Natalie: What?

Henry: I just had the most awkward conversation with your dad….

Natalie: About what?

Henry: About us. Having sex.

Natalie: woooooow….I'm surprised he hasn't come at me with that yet…

Henry: It was terrifying….

Natalie: Oh, relax. It's not like he didn't know-

Henry: He has no clue.

Natalie: Great…This'll be awkward.

Henry: Where are you anyway? I tried calling you but your phone has no service.

Natalie: I'm in the rape shelter.

Henry: Um…WHY?

Natalie: Cuz Dr. Madden escaped from prison.

Henry: OMIGOD, IS HE AFTER YOU?

Natalie: No….

Henry: Oh.

_Dr. Madden is online._

Dr. Madden: NATALIE! HIDE ME!

Natalie: Why?

Henry: YOU TOUCH HER, YOU DIE, BASTARD!

Dr. Madden: Relax…I just need a place to stay….

Natalie: Stay in the rape shelter…

Dr. Madden: Um…what?

Natalie: Yeah. And I can go back to living in a house again.

Dr. Madden: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

_Dr. Madden is offline._

Henry: Um…Weren't you supposed to get out before you let him in?

Natalie: Oh, I've been out the whole time. It's just him in there.

Henry: Nice one…

Undercover Police Facebook Guy: Excuse me, but is this by any chance your brother?

_Gabe Goodman is online._

Natalie: Gabe?

Gabe: Yeah…I got caught….

Natalie: Doing what?

Gabe: Smoking pot….

Natalie: HAHAHAHA!

Henry: !…..Ha!

Gabe: BUT IT WAS ALL HIS FAULT!

Undercover Police Facebook Guy: This young lad here? Yeah right. He's too innocent. I bet he hasn't even slept with his girlfriend, that's how innocent he is.

Henry: Um….I'm gonna go now.

_Henry Davis is offline._

Natalie: Bye Gabe.

Gabe: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST OF ME!

_Gabe Goodman is offline._

Natalie: Ha. Asshole.

**A/N: Soo? What did you think?**

**Reviews? Ideas?**


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